She’s too thin, she’s a mess, she’s beautiful, she’s everything to me and i just lost her. i want to throw up violently over and over and over until all the pain goes away. i’m never going to be on that level and i’m never going to be enough and down i go. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck this is actually PHYSICAL pain. i want to fucking seize right now if it means i will shake all this shit out of me. ugh. UGH. ugh. tears are just not enough.